Tears, jerk!

 I know that all of you look at my 145lb. frame, absence of tattoos, and my thigh-high cut-off jean shorts and think: What does this alpha male-type know about sensitivity? Although you may think I don't have a sensitive bone in my body, I do, it's undoubtedly my biggest bone. So, I've assembled a short list of films I've cried during. And I mean cried, really cried. I don't mean having your eyes getting a little glassy. Like that time your parents sat you down and broke the news that your biological father was a transient your mom met in the parking lot of Jo-Ann Fabrics and after giving her "alterations" on the hood of a Citation, skipped town. I'm talking real, genuine emotion. The kind of emotion that can only be stirred by flimsy plot lines and mediocre acting.  I've listed them below. Unfortunately, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Boyz n the Hood (1991) - This is the only Cuba Gooding Jr. film I've ever cried during. That's if you don't count the tears I shed for dropping $8.50 to see Snow Dogs in the theater. Ricky didn't deserve to die, Doughboy on the other hand....We should also take into account that this kicked off Ice Cube's acting career. That's something we can all cry about.

Playing by Heart (1998) - I know, I know. Ryan Phillippe has AIDS, so why am I not laughing? This may be the last tolerable performance Angelina Jolie made as well. Spoiler Alert: Sean Connery is married in this film and does *not* beat his wife.

Schindler's List (1993)- Sike! I'm kidding.

Boys Don't Cry (1999) - The hell they don't! Especially when you realize Hilary Swank has bigger arms than you and could kick your ass. Sure, after watching this my dignity is on par with Hilary's estrogen levels - non-existent, but it sure does beat watching 'The Next Karate Kid' again.

Legends of the Fall (1994) - In my defense, that movie is so damn long I believe I was suffering from some sort of dehydration-induced delirium. 

Donnie Darko (2001) - I totally relate to Donnie. We have something in common - we both have imaginary friends in rabbit form. Mine is named 'Francis' and although he is able to talk to me and his hands are empty, he's holding a carrot. Yeah, think about that...

Hope Floats (1998) - I normally giggle when Sandra Bullock takes on a dramatic role, but ever since I became a daddy I can't sit through one scene featuring Bernice.........or Harry Connick Jr. Who told this man he should live?

Steel Magnolias (1989) - Yep, it takes a real man to admit that. I don't cry when Julia Roberts' character dies, I mean that was long overdue, but I get a little misty-eyed when I think of the poor sap who had to bang Daryl Hannah. Eww.

Transformers: The Movie (1986) - Yep, the big one! Ever since I was a young boy, I wanted to grow up to be an 18-wheeler, so I really bonded with Optimus Prime. Looking back, I wish my mother would of spared me the emotional trauma that came with seeing Optimus Prime, Ironhide, Prowl, Ratchet, Brawn, Windcharger, and Wheeljack die. Rodimus Prime will always be the "Captain Picard" of Primes.