Desecrated corpses, let's talk about 'em..

Recently, a 39-second video showing Marines urinating on corpses surfaced. I know, what's the big deal? Well, when these Marines drained their "devil dogs" they weren't stationed in Thailand, a place where you can do that sort of thing.  This has set off a media firestorm over the proper use of frontal nudity in the battlefield and a startling breech in proper corpse desecration etiquette. Which in this part of the world is dragging the trampled remains of the victim through the streets with a stolen vehicle and capturing the entire incident on a grainy cell phone video. Golden showers are a no-no. As an American, I think it is critical that people around the world know this behavior is not typical for our Marines. In fact, this behavior is not typical for most people. Most people don't voluntarily urinate on camera (I'm not most people). And let it be said, that these particular soldiers are in no way experts on interrogation techniques and this video may be just the thing to sway some opinions on the ethics of water boarding. I do not condone the behavior of the Marines in this video, but I do think it is important to understand a few things before we take a position of moral absolutism when it comes to whizzing on dead dudes.

Firstly, one should take into consideration that the Marines in this video are men. Everyone knows men cannot resist peeing on stuff. It's in our genetic makeup, a vital truth that should not be overlooked. Men like to pee on stuff and they're proud of it.   This is common knowledge. Whether it be the bloodied body of a militant, or something more common, such as a plant or snow or a sleeping friend, toilet seats, a girlfriend's toothbrush, in the iced tea dispenser at McDonald's, in an urn, off of a balcony, on an electric fence, on a campfire, on a pair of Crocs, on a John Mellencamp LP, in your neighbor's pool, through a screen door, on an ant hill, in an aquarium, on patio furniture, in mason jars for safekeeping, etc. I could go on forever, but you get the idea. That was just a few of the things the average man pisses on in a typical week. To think a few bodies in the most remote part of the world would not eventually make it's way onto this list is kind of naive. I don't mean to brag, but I can work a stream of piss like a rhythmic gymnast's ribbon stick. But I will concede. I guess if you really take away all of the glamorous nuances of pissing on a dead man, it is rather tacky and may not translate well comedically in certain parts of the world. That said, Americans should still thank their lucky 50 stars that they chose urination instead of another bodily function as a means of desecration.

Secondly, let's not place blame before getting all the facts. We are assuming that the reasons for the Marines urinating were purely contemptuous, but what if there are reasonable explanations for it?  Maybe these soldiers were simply easing the pain of a recent jellyfish sting by urinating on........their..gaping, exit wounds? The Aztecs commonly used urine as an antiseptic on the battlefield. Urine is a sterile liquid after all, but the most likely explanation for this episode is tooth whitening. The Romans were known to use urine to whiten their teeth and this makes sense to any rationally minded, red-blooded American in this scenario. Sure it does. Unless you hate America of course.

Thirdly, this is a perfect example of reverse-sexism in the media. Had these Marines been women, this would not be frowned upon, but celebrated. The act would be deemed the sexiest thing since Nancy Grace's nip slip. That's not fair. 

I hope this article put some things in perspective. Mostly, that cell phones and digital cameras are unforgiving bitches, but also that we cannot put ourselves in the shoes of a soldier. These soldiers are under intense stress and huge R. Kelly fans and should not be vilified! Perhaps less hydrated, but definitely not vilified. Oh yeah, and that defiling bodies is probably not a good idea.