Another summer, another Vans Warped Tour. The lineup at this years festival is no different from the lineups of recent years: unrecognizable. The loveable pop punk bands that once permeated this festival are no more, and have been replaced with metalcore and EDM acts, but don't worry, I've already attended the tour this year and would like to make some recommendations, so here are 6 bands you should see:
1. Eat My Skorts! - Petalcore at it's finest! This all female band hails from somewhere and that's a fact. They are diigital download darlings, because they refuse to record onto any medium that has an orifice. These anti-war, anti-tampon feministas have gained a loyal following after their debut lp Your dick is a war bond.
2. Shallow Graves Make Speed Bumps - What started as a Kickstarter ruse to simply leave New Jersey, became a band that are the perfect balance of early Sunny Day Real Estate and later Sunny Day Real Estate and have a following that is completely unaware of Sunny Day Real Estate.
3. Darkness Is Our Light - It has been said that the DNA of the members of DIOL were harvested from a grout joint in The Viper Room long, long ago. It has also been said that they were sober when they named the band, so I don't know what to believe. A variation of the traditional L.A. hairmetal glam scene, this band includes six vocalists and a Monster Energy Drink vending machine. This band is a must-see. Cost of admission: your dignity.
4. Emmett Til Midnight - Light up a clove cigarette and be sure to catch this gothabilly act. Mostly because they go on last and are performing near the exit. Hands down the best background music to have while a eye-patched man peddling his wares whistles at you through a chain link fence.
5. GlowStick It Up Your Ass! - GlowStick It Up Your Ass! are the headline EDM act at this year's Warped Tour. The group surfaced from the tech-support underground after a guy saw them somewhere, and have been on a FireWire to fame ever since. If the Molly don't get you sweatin', dancing to 120bpm in the blazing two o' clock sun will.
6. Veranda Suicide - Last, but not least. Did I mention the Vans Warped Tour provides free filtered water to all attendees? That's awesome.
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